Worst movie I've ever seen I SWEAR TO GOD.
Well not entirely. Napoleon Dynamite was terrible. So worst MUSICAL I've ever seen.
It starts off with Daniel Day Lewis playing the chain smoking, unshaven and uninspired famous movie director called Guido Contini. He has writers block and has not written a word of his script despite filming starting in 10 days. Procrastinating, Guido would rather fantasize about various women in his life than write. Who wouldn't right?
We are introduced to his mistress Carla, played by Penelope Cruz. She does a god-awful number while squirming around in next-to-nothing lingerie. I'm not sure if I was supposed to buy her accent as Italian because I can still hear her Spanish accent clearly.
Carla and Guido get together in a shabby hotel inn which provides some comic relief. Then we meet his wife Luisa played by Marion Cotillard who was his former leading lady but put aside her career when she got married. Luisa has a Audrey Hepburn style and her eyes show all the pain and suffering she is going through due to Guido's cheating. She then sings a 'beautiful' number called 'My husband makes movies'. It was sung quite well but the melody was not at all to my taste. I prefer catchy songs.
We meet American Vogue reporter Stephanie played by Kate Hudson. She basically has no role in the movie except to be his future conquest. She sings a song called 'Cinemo Italiano' which was a very flashy piece, that's all I can remember. I also remember that Kate Hudson cannot sing so we move on.
Crap I forgot about Lili (Judi Drench), his clothing designer and confident. She was well played and cared a lot for Guido and was almost like a mother to him. But I didn't care much for her. She was kinda.. ugly and seeing her roll around on a piano wearing a feather boa during her number didnt help.
Sophia Loren played Guido's mom and she was barely in the movie at ALL. Same for the botoxed Nicole Kidman.
Fergie was outstanding in her role of a prostitute who taught the child Guido everything he knows about sex. Her number 'Be Italian' was AMAZING and extremely catchy. I never knew Fergie's vocals were that strong! Other than in this song, she does not appear again.
The reason I didn't like Nine is because I did not care for any of the characters. Except maybe Luisa, the sorrowful wife. I disliked Guido from the start. What kind of director doesn't even have a script ready for his multi-million dollar movie? How very unprofessional. And he was seen as a womanizer to me, with all the women around his clamoring for his love. How can I feel sympathy for a person who cheats on his wife? Guido can run his fingers through his oily hair and smoke as many cigarettes as he wants but I will never relate to him and therefore that equals to me not caring about his character.
The storyline was very patchy. Nothing seemed to flow and all were cuts and pastes of his fantasies, his women and their numbers. And then add a lot of angst into it. I wasn't really sure what was going on most of the time. All I was concerned about was when he was going to write a word of his movie.
The ending of the movie was terrible. I was expecting a huge performance from all the dancers but all I got was him in the director's chair saying 'action'. THEN ROLL CREDITS.
How poorly executed.
6.9/10 for me.
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